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You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries orforward 20 entries.

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Time:9:08 am.
Trust in people is lacking and I hate how it feels.
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Friday, July 16th, 2010

Time:8:50 am.
Cause when it's going good
It's going great

But when it's bad
It's awful

I feel myself shutting down. Withdrawing from everyone except the one person in my life who matters the most to me. My son.
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Friday, July 9th, 2010

Subject:you and me will always be between the lines
Time:3:21 pm.
Giving up - two years of this and I finally have no more energy left to fight for something that is going nowhere. 6 years of my life wasted. only got one good thing out of it.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

....I have.

when did I become that girl that was so dependant on having a man in her life. Even if that man treated me horrible. Somehow I convinced myself that something was better than nothing.
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Thursday, July 8th, 2010

Time:4:48 pm.
wonders how I can be so strong for a couple days. Then it is disappears and I am left feeling sad and alone.
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Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Time:11:46 am.
Mood: anxious.
I need to stop creating situations in my head that do not exsist because it just causes me anxiety.
Things are good. I want them to stay that way. but I fear I am turning to my old ways of saying hurtful things. Try to hurt you so much worse and so much deeper before I have the chance to even get hurt myself.
I don't trust you. But is going to take time to build that back up again. I still have this terrible feeling in the bottom of my stomach and I fear that my world is going to come crashing down. and from that I know I will not recover.

Forcing myself out of my comfort zone. anxiety.

This weather grey and gloomy just like my mood today. Maybe it was the lack of sleep because of the scenarios running through my head last night.

I could use some sunshine...or wrapped up in warm blankets cuddling with Jacob and reading Benny's Bad Day (Jacob's current favorite book.)
It is amazing how he can always make me smile. It could be the worst day in the world and just seeing his face makes all the troubles of the day melt away. And that is one of my favorite things about being a mom.

Gossip Girl finale with my bestest last night definitely raised my spirits. Thank god for teenage drama shows and much needed catching up.
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Friday, May 7th, 2010

Time:11:39 am.
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars........

I could really use a wish right now......

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Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Time:11:18 am.
Went on a shopping slurge yesterday evening at Target - Such cute spring/summer clothes. First the easter bunny shopping, played outside for a bit.
Need to get back over to Costco and get the sand/water table.
Can't wait to spend this weekend outside in the sunshine.
I find myself making lists all the time. I need to keep myself busy to keep my mind off things.
Looking forward to Easter Sunday - good food and family time just relaxing
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Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Time:11:38 am.
Mood: melancholy.
and now, i miss everything about you
i cant believe that i still want you
after all the things we've been through
i miss everything about you...
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Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Time:2:56 pm.
almost a month........but slowly it is becoming okay.
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Monday, March 8th, 2010

Time:10:52 am.
New Tv/entertainment center...I dont' recognize my own house.
Chopping my hair off.
Parent/infant swim classes starts in two weeks.(I need to go bathing suit shopping for both him and me..hate it)
Going to visit the Easter Bunny...
Book tots starts up again in April...
Busy Busy ..
Baseball season starts soon and I look forward it...brings warm weather soon to follow.
Looking forward to playing outside with my little man watching him enjoy the simple things in life. Wishing I still could get excited about the simple things in life.
Trying to grasp being alone and starting over. It has been so long.
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Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Time:10:42 am.
disappointed times a thousand.
it really does hurt when it heals too.

dear winter...please go away your not wanted anymore. I long for sunny warm days were I can spend my days off outside instead of locked in my house.

dresses...flip flops and baseball season please come fast.
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Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Time:9:21 am.
I am obsessed with Target and dresses - haha.

Is excited for a night out on Friday much needed. Nothing really new to report. Except - i am stronger than I thought. Took some tears to get there but for once I can actually say I am okay and starting to feel happy again.
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Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Time:9:32 am.
Has decided to do a picture a day like a select few of you - hope you don't think I am copying. Day in the life of Jacob and myself. Since I do not have internet at my house I will try to update as soon as I can for the day. I think I will be using flickr for now. Tune in for updates.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Subject:Already gone
Time:1:15 pm.
2009 is gone and I can honestly say I am glad - too many tears were cried - and sadly over one person...pretty pathetic. I refuse to let myself be that girl in 2010.

I told you once you walked away from us not to come back. I do not need someone like that in my life and neither does he. It isn't only my life you are messing with anymore. I will deal with the consequences when the time comes.

I am hoping crying myself to sleep every night ends eventually and the pain I feel subsides.

so goodbye 2009 - hello 2010 I welcome you with open arms/mind/heart.
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Monday, December 14th, 2009

Time:12:00 pm.
I can't deal with this. I have thrown myself into work and projects around the house...but in a week I will be on vacation and the projects will eventually come to an end - then that leaves me alone - it is the worst at night after the baby is asleep because that is when my mind goes in a million different directions with nothing to distract it. sleepless nights are mounting again.

I wish I could be stronger. I wish I could just be angry instead of crying all the time.

I wish you could feel the pain that I do right now.

new years will be spent at home - I usually look forward to new years. It is my favorite time of the year. a time to start over- not erease everything but a chance to change. But this year that feeling just is not there.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

Time:1:18 pm.
I am convinced that becoming a mother as made me holiday insane...decorations are up, shopping is done, and christmas cookies are already planned and ready to go.
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Monday, November 30th, 2009

Time:4:03 pm.
I don't trust you and I should....
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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Time:10:44 am.
swine flu case at work = me being very freaked out.
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Monday, November 9th, 2009

Time:11:38 am.
Wonderful weekend. I think there should be more just like it!
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Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

Time:9:18 am.
It took all my strength to not answer the phone first thing this morning when you called - I am not ready for that step.

It is so sad to see the trees with out leaves on them already.

November for me marks the beginning of the holiday seasons to come..and I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I am also looking forward to taking almost two weeks off at the end of December.

Attempting to make homemade stuffing this year. My love for cooking is growing and I think a dinner party is needed soon.

I can't focus this week at all.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Everything interesting begins in the mind.

View:User Info.
You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries orforward 20 entries.