Everything Interesting Begins In The Mind

kappaccino @ 2009-11-11T10:44:00

2009-11-11T15:44:35Z

swine flu case at work = me being very freaked out.

kappaccino @ 2009-11-09T11:38:00

2009-11-09T16:40:50Z

Wonderful weekend. I think there should be more just like it!

kappaccino @ 2009-11-04T09:18:00

2009-11-04T14:24:13Z

It took all my strength to not answer the phone first thing this morning when you called - I am not ready for that step.

It is so sad to see the trees with out leaves on them already.

November for me marks the beginning of the holiday seasons to come..and I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I am also looking forward to taking almost two weeks off at the end of December.

Attempting to make homemade stuffing this year. My love for cooking is growing and I think a dinner party is needed soon.

I can't focus this week at all.

kappaccino @ 2009-11-02T15:58:00

2009-11-02T21:09:22Z

As discussed on Friday I only update this thing when I am upset about something..it is true I guess it is the only time I need to vent things that are upsetting me. and it is usually at the point when I am about to break.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty awful but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I need to be the strong person I used to be. I let five years tear down all these walls and now I feel so vulnerable to every little thing. I know the best thing to do is to walk away and not look back...but that is not so easy when there is another individual involved.
5 years is long time to put myself through this and I realize that this is not how a relationship should be. Slowly I think it was tearing me apart. and I just got to the breaking point. I am not the strong invidiual I used to be because I let myself get to deep into this. I know you love me - however I took a backseat in your life because I thought I could be okay with that. but emotionally that is not okay for me to do to myself. It turns out you became more important in my life than I was in yours. and I am fighting a battle I will never win. So as hard as this is going to be I need to close this chapter in my life. I have grown as a person..but I have also cried too many tears and I am walking away with a broken heart that will take time to mend but I have the sweetest little boy and the greatest friends to get me through this time. and one day I will be that strong, happy person I used to be.

kappaccino @ 2009-10-29T08:58:00

2009-10-29T13:03:38Z

Thank goodness it is Thursday. Last day of the work week, this week as been crazy busy and I can't wait to enjoy the weekend ahead.

Though I am dreading tonights decision making session. It is going to be a heartbreaker I know it. But I have you to get through this with no matter the decision that is made.

I need to make cupcakes for tomorrow night. I need to get cracking on what kind I should bring. Suggestions? I am going to browse around online at lunchtime to get ideas.

Well time to get this day started.

life ramblles

2009-08-26T15:05:25Z

There comes a point when you feel so much more grown up then you did when you look back at the past. I just had this realization recently and I wonder if I would still be running in circles if I did not have my wonderful son to tear me from what was a terrible terrible cycle I was stuck in.

I appreciate things alot more than I did before - I realized how selfish I was.

I decided to take it one day at a time when it comes to my relationship situation. I realize that I created situations in my mind and blew them out of control and into something that wasn't even how it was. I created a monster within myself destroying all close and very few relationships I did have in my life. I miss them.

So when you call just to say good morning - I will be content with that. I will be content with "stay by the phone" - when in all reality that means you will not be calling me back. But I have come to learn that definition just like several others that orginally had a different meaning to me.
A compromise I guess.

I don't know - This is not where I expected my life to be - 10 years ago. this is not what I had thought. the butterfly effect constantly comes to mind when I think what if......but what if will never happen. You can't erase time or change the past. It has created who you are today. and today I am happy....maybe not the happiest that I thought I would be - but happy. but my definition of happiness I guess has changed as well...

kappaccino @ 2009-08-17T08:43:00

2009-08-17T12:43:32Z

Life is so much more amazing without you. You will never change and I see that now. I hope your happy because I am.......

kappaccino @ 2009-08-04T09:18:00

2009-08-04T13:20:01Z

It really wasn't has hard as I thought it was going to be - maybe I am all cried out..maybe it just got old and I realized that is not the way someone who says they love me should treat me.

kappaccino @ 2009-07-16T16:08:00

2009-07-16T20:08:26Z

I have had a headache for a week - is that even possible.

And that is the way I love you.

2009-07-09T15:53:07Z

Its good - it may not be the best. But he makes me happy and probably always will. I can't obsess about it any longer - it is what it is. Things may not always be perfect and perfect to me maybe just to hard to accomplish so I will take it as it is because that is when I am the happiest.

It is screaming and fighting and kissing...
And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I love you
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I love you

kappaccino @ 2009-05-12T16:45:00

2009-05-12T20:51:04Z

A very faint gleam of hope - but I am going to hold on to it. more to come on this.

You didn't want to walk away because you didn't want to look like the bad guy so you treated me the worst you could think of - and time after time I stuck around because 4 years is along time to be with someone - to fall in love with someone. You put me to the point were I was the one who wanted to walk away - who had to walk away in order to get my life back. In order to not cry my eyes out everynight.

and I believed you time and time again...such a fool.

kappaccino @ 2009-05-07T16:36:00

2009-05-07T20:36:58Z

I am going to go back to school. I need to do this. and now is the time to do it.

kappaccino @ 2009-05-05T11:35:00

2009-05-05T15:36:49Z

24 hours total between two people. for 90 days. Will I survive. I have to. It will be very difficult. I need this weekend to get here.

kappaccino @ 2009-05-04T08:57:00

2009-05-04T12:57:36Z

Not looking forward to it.

kappaccino @ 2009-04-20T12:29:00

2009-04-20T16:31:01Z

Pretty much loves today despite the rain. Pretty much loves the fact that things might be okay for once.

kappaccino @ 2009-04-15T08:27:00

2009-04-15T12:33:14Z

I wish I had insight of what the future held for me. I am really sick of running around in circles standing in one place. It is the same thing over and over. Same arguments over and over. Same apology only now it has no meaning. I am pretty sure the I love you is now empty.
Basic is safe. Basic doesn't get me judged - or questioned. So that is why I don't venture from what has been for 4 plus years.

kappaccino @ 2009-03-30T08:06:00

2009-03-30T12:07:01Z

I need to get past this anxiety...

I miss the sound of your voice..the still of the silence

2009-03-18T14:03:45Z

Its over. emotional reck for weeks. but as hard as this is going to be. It is the right thing to do. in the long run it will feel like that. But right now I feel broken in pieces.

Sick Cycle Carousel

2009-03-11T20:06:08Z

If shame had a face I think it
would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

kappaccino @ 2009-03-09T11:13:00

2009-03-09T15:30:47Z

Three names I go by:
1. Aniela
2. Annie
3. Ann ( I hate this put people at work tend to drop the 'ie' off my name)

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. HR Specialist.
2. Engraver - Things Remembered...haha.
3. Worked for family run business...not title really haha deliver person/cashier??

Three Places I have lived:
1. Warren, MI
2. Kalamazoo, MI
3. Macomb Twp., MI

Three TV Shows that I watch:
1. Office
2. Gossip Girl
3. Food Network - constantly

Three things I am good at:
1. conversation.
2. listening.
3. building spreadsheets

Three places I have gone on vacation:
1. Europe
2. Las Vegas
3. Florida - NONE of these equal anytime recent

Three places I WANT to go on vacation to:
1. California
2. Hawaii
3. Las Vegas - again.

Three people that text me regularly:
1. Meach
2. Lisa
3. Cam

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Chinese
2. Mac and Cheese
3. Pizza

Three of my favorite movies:
1. Jurassic Park
2. Cruel Intentions
3. Swimming Pool

Three things I am looking forward to (short-term):
1. Baseball Season
2. being able to wear dresses/sandals
3. Spending as much time with Jacob

Three Things I am looking forward to (long-term):
1. a new car - maybe a short term...
2. being able to find a better job
3. better economy

Three things in my purse/wallet/bag right now:
1. Digital Camera
2. Perscription to be filled
3. Jacob's Soc. Security card

Three websites I frequent daily:
1. gmail
2. facebook
3. flickr

Three places I love to shop:
1. target
2. old navy
3. book stores

Three of my favorite drinks:
1. Diet Pepsi
2. water
3. Ice Tea

Three things I just can't stand:
1. coropte business'
2. car problems
3. being ignored

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Khakis
2. White tshirt

Three things I love about myself:
1. curly hair
2. The person I have become in the last 9 months.
3. good conversationist

Three things I have struggled with in the last year:
1. the concept of love verse need/want
2. patience
3. financial freedom

Three ways I like to spend my free time:
1. as much time as possible with Jacob
2. with friends
3. reading

Three things I have always wanted to do (and have NOT done just yet):
1. finish school
2. be debt free.
3. roadtrip

kappaccino @ 2009-02-20T08:34:00

2009-02-20T13:37:47Z

So today - like normal I went through the Dunkin Donuts drive through to get a breakfast sandwhich - it was quite along line so I was just sitting my car looking at my phone. I placed my order and when I pulled up to the window the girl informed me that they guy in front of me had paid for my order. That he did not know me - he just wanted to do a nice thing.

I feel the need to pass this kind act on to someone else today.

kappaccino @ 2009-02-13T08:51:00

2009-02-13T13:52:01Z

I have such a bad headache that my head literally feels like it weighs a 100 ton.

kappaccino @ 2009-02-12T09:58:00

2009-02-12T15:05:36Z

This weather - though I have loved every minute of it. Even the rain...has completely screwed up my sinus'.
I am really glad that it is two days until the weekend. It seems the work week just drags and the days seem longer. Yet the time out of work just flys by.
2 more weeks until vacation. I can hardly wait.
I need to go to the bookstore. I also need to pick up Breeze's medicine tonight on the way home.

My desk chair is squeeking horribly and it drives me crazy by the time 5 o'clock rolls around.

All is not lost.

2009-02-09T13:25:45Z

It is amazing how we have all gone in different directions, yet when placed back together it seems we never left each other.

Weekends just aren't long enough.
Back to the grind of the work week. 3 more weeks then a weeks vacation for me. Not going anywhere. but that is one whole week that I get to spend with my little man and I can't wait.

I realized that I have just wrapped my mind around the idea of you so tightly that I couldn't seem to focus on anything else. Take it as it comes. What happens, happens for a reason. I am done forcing myself into this lifestyle because that is how I want it to be. I will be happy one day. Just taking me alot longer to get there than I had hoped by now.

I can't wait for spring...and baseball season.
and dresses.

kappaccino @ 2009-02-04T10:39:00

2009-02-04T15:44:30Z

Sleepless nights seem to occur often these days. I lay awake for hours just thinking. Everything turns over and over in my head. It almost seems endless.

I need warmth. This weather just makes me want to hibernate. I long to wear dresses and sandels again.

I wish I could stay home with Jacob everyday all day. He makes me laugh. He just melts away all the frustrations of the day. To be that innocent again.